Dear Students

Um… so… yeah, this happened.

Dear Kindergartner:

Hey there, little buddy. How ya doin’? Doing good? Listen, the other day, when you were in my classroom, well, you kind of sort of left something behind when you left. I know the item in question isn’t something a student would normally leave behind in class, so I assure you I will handle this issue delicately. Here, why don’t you come over here where the other students won’t hear, and I’ll try to keep me voice down.

Now, I was just curious, and who knows, maybe you didn’t even know you did it, but I was wondering, why did you leave your Spidey undies on my art room floor? I mean, from what I could gather, they looked like perfectly good and, um, clean underwear. I’m sure there are many logical explanations for this, right? I mean, maybe you were feeling like they were restricting you and you had to be free of their confining ways. I get it. Not everyone in this world was meant to wear undergarments. You know, now that I think about it, we were experiencing those unseasonably high temperatures. Maybe you were hot? Or maybe, and I can’t tell you how many times this has happened to me, your pants were recently laundered, and unbeknown to you, there were a pair of Spidey tightie whities stuffed up your pants leg. It happens. Or maybe, just maybe, you had finally had enough of hearing about the Spiderman Broadway show catastrophes and you decided to take your frustration out by shedding your unmentionables in an act of protest.

Regardless of the reason, I have a more pressing question to raise. Laundry mishap aside, how on Earth did you get those things off without anyone noticing? I checked my seating chart, and I know you never left to use the bathroom during class. And all of your table mates were present and accounted for, so had you derobed at your table in the corner, someone would have noticed and mentioned it. And even if your underwear had slipped from your pants leg or even fallen from your pocket, how, during the act of clean-up and lining up, how did no one notice the Webbed Wonder* lying on the floor?

You know what? I can tell you’re embarrassed, so how ’bout we just let this one slide, shall we? Although, if Superman shows up next week, we might have to have this little talk again.

Sincerely,
Ms. Art Teacher

*I don’t know if he is actually referred to as the “Webbed Wonder” or if I just made this up.

Standard

18 thoughts on “Um… so… yeah, this happened.

  1. OMG I'm dying here, rolling on the floor with laughter. From the ominous start to your post, I thought the “gift” on the floor was going to be something rather unpleasant that might have fallen OUT of the Spidey undies. Happy to hear they were clean! The laundry answer is the only logical one I can come up with. I mean, I've found SOCKS in my pant legs, but never Spidey underwear!! Thanks for the great laugh!!

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  2. Heh, I actually had a similar laundry accident happen to me when I was a kid. I was in gym when I was probably about 7 or 8, and I lifted up my shirt to wipe my forehead and a washcloth fell out. I'm hoping for this kid's sake, that's all it was.

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  3. I have had the unpleasant “gift” in my Kindergarten room before. A student pointed to the floor and screamed “CACA!” Then all the other students got up and went to look. I can totally understand that happening…but underwear? He must be magic.

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  4. HAHAHAHA!!! Oh my God, I can't stop laughing… I'm actually crying!!! My husband thinks I'm crazy, but this is HILARIOUS!! I also thought it was going to be something stinkier falling FROM the underpants, and I, too, have found a sock in the sleeve of a sweater…. but, oh man, reading this takes the cake. Thanks for the very humorous post. 🙂

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  5. I was worried you were going to say it was…well, it rhymes with 'hoop'. Thank goodness. PHEW! HOwever, I remember subbing before I got my job, and I came face to face with Mr. Hanky in the hallway across from the artroom I was subbing in. I do believed I dry heaved about 10 times before going to the office and saying “We have a situation in the hallway, code BROWN! Call a custodian”.

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  6. N says:

    Oh my goodness your posts and comments from others make me laugh until I cry! When I was teaching elementary school there was a little boy that somehow managed to shake a hard little poop down his pants leg and drop it next to his desk. Tried to deal with that as discretely as possible without getting sick. And then there were those students who had something hanging out of their nose that wiggled up and down when they sniffed and they didn't seem to know how to blow it even tho I had tissues in my room. Good Lord, the things we go thru that they never taught us in our education classes. Glad I'm teaching high school now, a whole different set of issues there…

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  7. April says:

    There are tennis balls on some of the chairs in my art room. The idea is they make less noise and keep from scuffing the floor (But mostly they fall off and get thrown or kicked across my room, which is why most of them are now in a box in my supply room). ANYWAY, one day after my kinder kids had been to art, I noticed brown streaks on the floor. At first I thought it was a crayon that was stepped on. But then, I kept noticing more and saw no brown crayon anywhere. I checked the chair nearby and somehow there was a squashed ball of poop on the bottome of one of the tennis balls. Every time subsequent students slid their chair back, it made “skid marks!” : )

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  8. This is wonderful. Most people wouldn't know things like that happen, but they do!

    What's worse is when you're older and that happens due to the laundry mishap. I still remember being in middle school when a pair of women's underwear fell out of a male friend's pants leg. It was hilarious! His mom doesn't use dryer sheets… he was embarrassed but it was funny

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  9. JUST found this blog, what a treat! Reminds me of last summer working in a day care and a coworker held up someone's undies and yelled, “Who isn't wearing underwear!?” Like a child was going to run and fess up.

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  10. This is so weird. In my 19 years of teaching art I've never heard of such a thing and about 2 weeks ago this very same thing happened to me. My first class walked in, it was a third grade class. As soon as the students had the chairs all down I had a student raise his hand and tell me that a pair of underwear were on the floor. I thought , what the hell, they weren't there a second ago. I went over where said undies were and it just looked like a tie dye t-shirt on the floor. 8 thought how does this kid know that these are undies. It must have been like “smellers the feller”. They must have been his. I picked them up like you pick up your dog mess with my hand in a Walmart bag inside out. It's good to see that others have similar experiences and JOY. Thanks for your stories!

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  11. Too funny!! And glad for you it was only the undies! Had one at our school that told his classroom teacher he had an accident and when he went to the nurse & explained to her what he had done in HIS Spidey britches, he proceeded to HAND IT TO HER- he had carried the..um…well..you get it- all the way from his classroom to the nurse's office. And people wonder why teachers need summers “off” (haha- yeah right.)

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  12. Pingback: #tbt: We All Have Secrets | Art Teachers Hate Glitter

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