We’ve all heard it a million times, “I should have been an art teacher.” Everyone seems to think they have what it takes to do what we do, and most of the time, we just laugh it off, right? Well, laugh it off no more. The next time someone claims to be able to do your job, confidently challenge them, “oh really? Are you sure about that?” and then hand them this handy dandy quiz. Now, I’m not saying this is all one needs in order to be an art teacher, but it’s enough of a start to weed out the truly clueless and overconfident wannabes. Continue reading
Category Archives: Funny, Ha-Ha
Behind the Name: Art Teachers Hate Glitter
A parody of a parody of a real actual show.
Announcer: There’s an old saying in the art room,* and it goes like this: “Glitter is the herpes of the art room.” Tonight, we’ll explore this phenomenon, as we travel beyond the laughter, into the darkness, and behind the name of… Art Teachers Hate Glitter.
Glitter. Every day thousands of young kids fall victim to its sparkle, its allure, its shimmer. But, do art teachers really hate glitter?
Ms. AHTG: Listen, it’s not like I hate the stuff, you know, but, that shit gets everywhere. Even when you try to contain it, there’s no containing it. I mean, once you take it out of the locked cabinet and put it in the hands of a child, you’re done for. You might as well just accept that you’re going to be picking sparkles off of everything you own, everything your friends own, for the next six months. At least.
Narrator: And Ms. ATHG was right. Continue reading
Boy, was her face red.
It’s the beginning of the school year. During a 4th grade art class, an unfamiliar adult pokes her head in…
“Hey. Can I borrow Asnak?”
“Asnak?” I look around, confused, do I even have an Asnak in here? I don’t know. I don’t know half of these kids’ names yet. I can’t let this woman know though, how dumb would I look?
“Asnak?” I ask again.
“Yes,” she replies. I look around again.
“Um, do you mean Akshat or Anay?” Maybe she means Akshat or Anay.
“Turn The Lesson Page”: A Poorly Written Musical Parody
“Turn The Lesson Page”
(a parody of Bob Seger’s “Turn The Page”.” You can see it here.)
Down a long and lonesome hallway
east of Staff Room R*
You can listen to the children
moanin’ out from someone’s room
You can think about the students
or the class you had the day before
But your thoughts will soon be wandering
the way they always do
When you’re teaching sixty minutes
and there’s way too much to do
And you don’t feel much like painting
you just wish the class was through
Here I am
In the front again
There I am
Out on the stage
Here I go
Teaching art again
There I go
Turn the lesson page
When you walk into an art classroom
strung out from first grade
And you feel the eyes upon you
as you’re shakin’ off the clay
You pretend it doesn’t bother you
but you just want to go home and bathe
Sometimes you can’t hear ’em talk
mostly though you can
All the same old cliches
Starry Night by Vincent Van
You always seem outnumbered
you need to make a stand
Here I am
In the front again
There I am
Out on the stage
Here I go
Teaching art again
There I go
Turn the lesson page
Up there in the spotlight
you’re teaching every day
Every ounce of energy
you feel it sucked away
As the sweat pours out your body
like the many words you say
Later in the evening
as you lie awake in bed
With the echoes of the Kindergartners
ringin’ in your head
You pound the day’s last whiskey shot**
remembering what they said
Here I am
In the front again
There I am
Out on the stage
Here I go
Teaching art again
There I go
Turn the lesson page
Here I am
In the front again
There I am
Out on the stage
Here I go
Teaching art again
There I go
Turn the lesson page
* This room doesn’t actually exist, to my knowledge. Who knows, maybe it does. I don’t have time to visit staff rooms.
** I know everyone’s beverage of choice after a long hard day is wine. I’m a whiskey girl. Get over it.
Said No Student Ever.
Ms. ATHG? I know you’re very busy, and I realize that I’m not the only student in this class, and I’m aware that we’re not your only class, but if you should get a free moment, I was hoping you could take my weaving off of my loom for me. Take your time, please. I know that you’re not here every day, and I realize that you have a lot to do, so whenever you’re able to get it back to me, I’m okay with that. No hurry. Thank you so much for all that you do and for all of the extra time you spend working on art stuff for us.
Said no student ever.
Art Teachers Hate Glitter 