Art Teachers Hate Glitter #tbt From the Archives
A Day In the Life, Funny, Ha-Ha

#tbt: The Beginning of the Year vs. The End of the Year

This post originally aired on ATHG on May 2, 2013.

We’re approaching the most wonderful time in the school year. That time we’ve been looking forward to ever since we walked through the doors back in August/September. Yup, that’s right, the end of the school year. That glorious time of the year when students and teachers alike come to the mutual, unspoken agreement that no one gives a f* anymore, so let’s let it all hang out.

Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about. You know. Oh yes, you. know. A lot has happened this year. You’ve dealt with a lot this year. You’re feeling the weariness. The exhaustion. The effects of being beat down by administration, colleagues, parents and students. And ultimately, things… have… changed from the start of the school year to the end.

Let’s compare, shall we?

What do you think? Are you ready for the end of the school year yet?
Dear Students, Funny, Ha-Ha, In the Art Room

[Knock, knock]

Oh hey, fifth graders. Why yes, please come in and interrupt the chaos that is 2nd grade art. It’s no big deal. It’s not like I’ve got anything going on in here, just trying to keep kids from painting each other and cooling the fires that erupt when ohmygod, he splashed water on my painting!!! So, what can I do for you? Glitter? You came here looking for glitter? Well, you may not know this, but I don’t normally carry the stuff, but you happen to be in luck because someone gifted me a box of miscellaneous craft supplies at the beginning of the school year, and there just so happens to be some glitter in there, so sure, you can have it. What’s it for? A class project? Neat, and when do you need it? Oh. You need it right now. Well then, no problem. Let me just turn my back on this group of angelic second graders so I can dig through my Closet of Crap and get that for you. Now where is it…? I know that box is in here somewhere. Funny story, I don’t usually use craft supplies in my room, but… oh! Here it is, under my stash of party supplies. Now I know there’s glitter in here somewhere… maybe under the package of straws… or behind the bag of Popsicle sticks… ooh! Here it is. No, wait, those are just mismatched googly eyes… how about… no, those are seed beads. Um… maybe… oh geez, how did these pompoms get loose? Here we go! Glitter! What? I’m sorry, you’re going to have to speak up. I can’t hear you over the sound of twenty-eight seven year old kids whooping and cheering as they splatter paint the walls and carpet. Excuse me? Oh, yeah, well no, I don’t think carpet in an art room make much sense either… what’s that? That’s not what you said? Ohhh. Yeah, no, now I see. You’re right, this isn’t glitter at all but sequins. Good catch. Well, can’t you just use them instead? Sequins are almost like glitter. No? Well, maybe you can try the Kindergarten classrooms then, they’re practically art rooms down there, and I’m sure they have glitter. Oh yeah, that’s fine, you can take the sequins with you just in case. Just one thing though, when you return them, can you make sure you do it during my adaptive art class? It would be great if you could pop in at the exact moment one of my students is trying to close his head in the flat file drawers, another is attempting to cut ALL THE PAPER, and a third is crying because she doesn’t want to do art today, m’kay?* Thanks, because that would be ever so convenient. Now if you’ll excuse me, I really must be getting back to these second graders. I’m not sure, but I think I just saw a paint tray go out the window.

*I love my adaptive art students, and even on their worst days, I enjoy working with them. My second graders? Not so much.

Funny, Ha-Ha

Overheard in the Art Room II

My second graders were working on cutting out a shape man so they could practice positioning the human body for a cut paper collage. I was walking around… singing a song… no, not really, but I was walking around, helping the students and eavesdropping on their conversations, which is always a great idea…
Male Student: “Girls have babies.”
Female Student 1: “But they get special medicine.”
Male Student: “They still suffer.”
Female Student 2: “Some of them suffer.”
And later, at a different table…
Male Student: “Mine doesn’t even look like a hip. It looks like a nip.”
Female Student: “What’s a nip?”
Male Student: “I don’t know, but I’m calling it a nip.”
I die.
Funny, Ha-Ha


My fifth graders come to me directly from the library, so they’re always bringing stacks of books with them (love!). Today, while the students were working, I was perusing their selections. I commented to one table that I miss reading every day. The following exchange then took place:
Student A: “My mom stays up until midnight reading.”
Me: “I stay up until midnight grading art work.”
Student B: “Well, that’s what teachers do.”
Student B: “No offense.”