Art Teachers Hate Glitter #tbt From the Archives athglitter.com

#tbt: Art Supplies Gone Wild

Portions of this post previously appeared on Art Teachers Hate Glitter on December 14, 2011 and on March 25 2011.

I’m not sure how this happened; I’ve never seen it happen before, but this pretty much says it all about how my day went. Of course, it could have been worse. I could have been the poor man I saw get hit by a service van this morning (he was okay. It was definitely his fault. The orange hand means don’t walk, kids).

Read the full story.

Why? I mean, seriously, why? Why, oh why, would you do this to us poor teachers? Apparently your new marker design is “greener” since they’re made from recycled bottle caps, and I’m all about being green, BUT I am not a fan of dumb ideas. And this, Crayola®, this is a dumb design.

Read the full story.

For more things that really burn my biscuits, check out more gripes. Or check out more #tbt posts.

Gripes

Spring Break! and #tbt: I Know Why the Art Teacher Cries

Portions of this post previously appeared on Art Teachers Hate Glitter on February 23, 2013.

… because of paper cuts. And cardboard cuts.
… because she just sat in a puddle of water. Again.
… because it’s only Wednesday, but it has felt like Thursday for two days now.
… because she just stepped in green paint. Again.
… because her clock won’t stop buzzing, no matter how many times she beats it.
… because working in a tiny octagonal room with no windows and 30 sixth graders triggers her claustrophobia.
… because she’s on bus duty and has realized that she left her gloves inside.
… because she’s on her way to her car and has realized that her gloves have been in her pocket all along.
… because a 1st grader corrected her math. Continue reading →

Gripes

#tbt: Crafts Are For Summer Camp. I Teach Art

This post previously appeared on Art Teachers Hate Glitter on June 11, 2011.

Dear sweet, innocent, substitute teacher,

I don’t even think you realized what you said today when you said it. There we were, discussing the fact that you’re new to the county, you were asking me questions about schools in the area, I was giving you tips on where to apply, all while the Kindergarten students you were assisting with were toiling away on their creations. The conversation was going alright, albeit a little distracting and inappropriately timed, but pleasant nonetheless.

And then you said it. Right there, in the middle of my art class, “I never understood how to teach crafty things to little kids. All that glue and stuff. How do you manage it?” Continue reading →

A Day In the Life

#tbt: Super Art Teacher

This post previously appeared on Art Teachers Hate Glitter on December 10, 2010.

We all want to be the perfect art teacher, right? Everyone’s favorite teacher. The one who has cool stories to tell, the one with all sorts of art knowledge, and the one who teaches every student everything they ever wanted to know about art. We want to connect with every student, invoke…

What? A drink? No, you can’t go get a drink. If I send you I’ll have to send everyone. Now please listen, it’s Ms. Art Teacher’s time to talk.

Where was I? Oh right, the perfect art teacher. We dream of being the teacher who instills curiosity in our students’ minds. Encourages them to experiment and explore and investigate. We want our students to…

Can you please sit still? What do you need? Do you think now is an appropriate time to use the bathroom? Probably not, huh? You can go when I ‘m finished talking.

Um, right, so, we want our students to be amazed with our demonstrations, enthralled by the knowledge we’re sharing with them, um… where was I headed with this again? Right, we want to show them all the sneaky “art tricks”, the cool “artists’ techniques”, the…

Where are you going? We’re not even using our pencils today, why do you need to sharpen it? Please return to your seat, put the pencil back in the pencil bin, and pay attention.

So, um… art tricks… techniques… right, provider of all art related knowledge. I, we, want to explain to students all the magical things that happen with clay when it’s fired, the neat chemistry behind glazes, how to slip and score, “pinch” and coil. We want them to be excited, to think that this is the BEST ART DAY EVER, every day. We want them to wake up every Thursday, or Day 3, or Monday, and think, ” I can’t wait to go to school because I have art today and I love art!” We want them… we want…

Yes, we’ll get started soon, but I actually have to talk to you and explain what it is we’re doing before you can start, so, please, for the third time, listen and pay attention or else you’re not going to know what to do.

Yes, so, we want to mold the minds of the artistically inclined, pique their interest in everything artistic and creative. Encourage their free thinking. Let them…

Can you please stop calling out Ms. Art Teacher’s name? Please? If you need my help, just raise your hand, and I’ll be there after I help the 23 other students who need my help because they don’t know what to do because they didn’t pay attention to the directions. Yes, other student tugging on my sweater, I know you know what to do because you paid attention, because you always pay attention. No, while I appreciate your eagerness to help, please just go back to doing your own work.

We want them to be excited, to think that this is the BEST ART DAY… wait, I already said that, didn’t I? Now I lost my train of thought. What I mean is, we want to be the smartest, rockin’est teacher ever. We want our students to leave our class feeling more alive and more informed than they did when they walked in. We want…

Oh, geez! Look at the time. It’s time to go. We’ll just have to finish this up next time, won’t we? No, no, that’s all for today, we’ll continue this next week. No, now is not the time to use the bathroom either. Just clean up your stuff and be on your way.

*Sigh*

Ms. Art Teacher could use a drink.

For more student funnies, check out more of Things Students Say. Or check out more #tbt posts.

Dear Students

#tbt: “What’s a rubber?”

This post previously appeared on Art Teachers Hate Glitter on May 4, 2012.

“What’s a rubber?” the innocent (or so I thought) first grade girl inquired.

“What?” I asked back, while my inner panic alarms began to sound.

“A rubber. What’s a rubber? Aaron* wants one.”

My keen teacher hearing is now on full alert as I scan the art room, trying to locate Aaron. Ah, there he is…

Aaron is repeatedly questioning his classmates,“Does anyone have a rubber? I need a rubber.”

I relax, look back at the girl, and reply, “it’s an eraser. He’s looking for an eraser. That’s what they call them in Australia.”

“Oh!”

I can see it now. This poor little girl is going to be sitting at her dinner table, and her parents are going to ask what she learned in school today. Of course, she’s excitedly going to tell them that she learned about rubbers in art class. I swear, these first graders will be the death of me this year.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent Australian kid who doesn’t know any better.