Art Teachers Hate Glitter #tbt From the Archives athglitter.com
Dear Students

#tbt: We All Have Secrets

This post previously appeared on Art Teachers Hate Glitter on February 2, 2011.


Dear Kindergartner:
Hey there, little buddy. How ya doin’? Doing good? Listen, the other day, when you were in my classroom, well, you kind of sort of left something behind when you left. I know the item in question isn’t something a student would normally leave behind in class, so I assure you I will handle this issue delicately. Here, why don’t you come over here where the other students won’t hear, and I’ll try to keep me voice down.

Now, I was just curious, and who knows, maybe you didn’t even know you did it, but I was wondering, why did you leave your Spidey undies on my art room floor? I mean, from what I could gather, they looked like perfectly good and, um, clean underwear. I’m sure there are many logical explanations for this, right? I mean, maybe you were feeling like they were restricting you and you had to be free of their confining ways. I get it. Not everyone in this world was meant to wear undergarments. You know, now that I think about it, we were experiencing those unseasonably high temperatures. Maybe you were hot? Or maybe, and I can’t tell you how many times this has happened to me, your pants were recently laundered, and unbeknown to you, there were a pair of Spidey tightie whities stuffed up your pants leg. It happens. Or maybe, just maybe, you had finally had enough of hearing about the Spiderman Broadway show catastrophes and you decided to take your frustration out by shedding your unmentionables in an act of protest.

Regardless of the reason, I have a more pressing question to raise. Laundry mishap aside, how on Earth did you get those things off without anyone noticing? I checked my seating chart, and I know you never left to use the bathroom during class. And all of your table mates were present and accounted for, so had you de-robed at your table in the corner, someone would have noticed and mentioned it. And even if your underwear had slipped from your pants leg or even fallen from your pocket, how, during the act of clean-up and lining up, how did no one notice the Webbed Wonder* lying on the floor?

You know what? I can tell you’re embarrassed, so how ’bout we just let this one slide, shall we? Although, if Superman shows up next week, we might have to have this little talk again.

Sincerely,
Ms. Art Teacher

*I don’t know if he is actually referred to as the “Webbed Wonder” or if I just made this up.


For more student funnies, check out more of Things Students Say. Or check out more #tbt posts.

Standard
A Day In the Life

ATHG Presents: 10 Most Frequently Asked Questions

Art Teachers Hate Glitter FAQ athglitter.com

1. Did you have to go to school to become an art teacher?

No, they just let anyone with a high school diploma and a knack for crafting and finger painting become an art teacher.

Of course I had to go to school to become an art teacher. I am a teacher, and just like every other teacher you know, I have a degree from a real, actual college, and I am certified. In two states! In fact, I might even be more highly educated than some other teachers, and “professionals,” you know.  I have a Masters Degree (and a mountain of debt to show for it). I wrote a thesis and everything.

2. Do you have to do what real teachers do?

No, we imaginary teachers do not have to do the same things as the real teachers. We are pretend teachers, we only have to do pretend things.

3. So, what do you do, finger paint all day? It must be so much fun.

Yes, it is! I have an advanced degree in finger painting, so I finger paint all day. You know, after I am done teaching standard-based lessons, assessing my students, differentiating instruction, analyzing data, grading artwork, wiping noses, fixing broken zippers, attending faculty meetings, attending professional development sessions on literacy, fulfilling my bus duty, meeting with counselors, acting as a counselor, meeting with classroom teachers, attending CLT meetings, attending PLC meetings, attending IEP meetings, writing SMARTR goals, re-writing SMARTR goals because the administration doesn’t understand, explaining to administration what I do, learning the new buzz-words and  acronyms, hanging student artwork, sending student artwork to various art shows, submitting student art work to different publications, covering a 6th grade class because the sub never showed, covering a 5th grade class because the teacher never showed, cutting paper, mixing paint, putting band-aids on boo-boos, developing behavior plans, implementing behavior plans, emailing parents, meeting with parents, washing paint brushes, loading the kiln, repairing broken artwork, attending PTA meetings, holding lunch bunches, guiding troubled students, cutting up clay, mixing glazes, writing lesson plans, creating assessments, creating planning sheets, creating student self-reflections, photocopying, justifying that my job is important and that what I do matters, finding new ways to challenge students, finding new ways to engage students, finding new ways to teach age-old materials while integrating technology, and of course, providing classroom teachers with an hour of planning time.

But mostly, we just finger paint all day.

Art Teachers Hate Glitter FAQ athglitter.com4. Can I borrow some paint/yarn/googly eyes?

Sorry, I am all out.

5. Is it hard to grade art? or How do you get a B in art?

Yes, yes it is, and by not meeting all of the project requirements. Project requirements? Yes, are has requirements, and your child is expected to meet them. No, I am not necessarily thrilled with it either, but it is what it is.

6. Can you make this poster for me?

No.

7. Can you make this holiday craft I got from Pinterest with my students today?

Sure! Can you teach this standards-based art lesson I planned and prepped for today? Seriously though, I do not mind timing some of my lessons to fall during the gift giving season. Just ask my Kindergarten and First grade teachers. However, you need to come to me at least a month ahead of time, and you need to let me plan an project that fits into the curriculum I am required to teach. After all, this ain’t no Santa’s workshop, and I will not be making that craft you found “on Pinterest.”

ATHGlitter FAQ athglitter.com8. I see you have a free hour in your schedule on Tuesday. Can you go support this third grade teacher in math?

You mean the only hour block of “free” time I have during the entire week? That one measly 60 minute block? That one? No. I need that time to… oh, you were only asking as a courtesy? I see, well, then, yes! I would love to go support the third grade teacher trained in math teach math for an entire hour. No problem.

9. We scheduled a field trip/assembly/picture day/fundraiser during specials so the students wouldn’t miss any instructional time. You understand, right?

Yes. I understand. I understand completely. I understand more than you will ever possibly know.

10. Is this washable?

Yes. Wait, no. Maybe? What is it? Oh, yeah, no.


 Don’t forget to subscribe to Art Teachers Hate Glitter via email. You can find the link above in the drop down menu.

Standard
artteachermeme
Behind the Scenes

Art Teachers Hate Glitter: Origins

Art Teachers Hate Glitter debuted in 2010 while I was sifting through hours of art teacher interviews and pages and pages of research notes, trying to make progress on my graduate thesis. Making little headway on the thesis, but succeeding beautifully at procrastinating, I was eager for another source of distraction.

About Art Teachers Hate Glitter

Many art teachers will never see the inside of one of these. Art on a cart: It’s real. #themoreyouknow

 

The idea of an art teacher “themed” blog was the result of my frustration. I was working part-time as a graduate assistant in the art education department, and I was constantly frustrated with the idealized image of art teaching being fed to the undergrads. The reality of teaching art was missing from their education. Were we really going to throw these bright-eyed, young adults out there without properly preparing them for what it is really like in an art room? Turns out we were, and why not? That is the way it has always been done. This was unacceptable. Enter Art Teachers Hate Glitter.

Art Teachers Hate Glitter serves many purposes:

  • It is a behind the scenes look into the unique world of art teaching.
  • It is a glimpse into the mind of an art teacher.
  • It is a source of a good laugh.

Most importantly,

  • It is a place to visit after a long day at work and realize, “I am not alone.”
About Art Teachers Hate Glitter

1 in 3 elementary art students will grow up never knowing what this is, let alone how to use one. Are you prepared to teach them?

 

Art Teachers Hate Glitter is a humor blog, sometimes generalized, sometimes dramatized, but entirely based in reality. It is not a place to find lesson plans or view gorgeous student art work. This blog is for art teachers who want to feel less alone in the world of art teaching. It does not matter if you are a first year teacher or a 30-year veteran, if you teach elementary art or high school art, this blog is for you.

For more of Art Teachers Hate Glitter, follow ATHGlitter on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Pinterest.

Standard
snow day stop sign
A Day In the Life

Anticipation: Déjà vu

Portions of this post previously appeared on Art Teacher Hate Glitter on January 26th, 2011.


You’ve stayed up late, watching TV. Finally, you turn off the lights and settle into bed for the evening. Alas, sleep won’t come. You’re tossing and turning. Your mind is racing and your nerves are firing.

“What if it doesn’t happen?” you think.

“What if it’s not what I expected?” you wonder.

“What if…” but you’ve finally drifted off.

After a brief visit to dreamland, your mind wakens you suddenly. You look at the clock, dreading what it will show you. 3:00 am. What to do? What to do? You roll over, hoping a change in position will bring sleep again. No luck. You drag yourself out of bed and use the bathroom. Back in bed, you try to calm your frantic thoughts. Continue reading

Standard
How to Snow Day Like an Art Teacher
A Day In the Life

How To Snow Day Like An Art Teacher

As children, we all looked forward to snow days. We stayed up late, watched the snow, urged it to fall faster and heavier, and wished for a snow day with all our might. We woke up early, turned on the radio (yes, the radio), waited with bated breath to hear our school’s name announced, and we cheered when they finally cycled back to the “B” schools and we heard what we’d been waiting our whole entire life for, a snow day.

How to Snow Day Like and Art Teacher

As a teacher, eh, not much has changed, except now we wait for the phone to ring, or the chiming of our email. Gotta love a snow day, amiright?

How to Snow Day Like an Art Teacher

Continue reading

Standard