Category Archives: In the Art Room

Dear Students, Funny, Ha-Ha, In the Art Room

[Knock, knock]

Oh hey, fifth graders. Why yes, please come in and interrupt the chaos that is 2nd grade art. It’s no big deal. It’s not like I’ve got anything going on in here, just trying to keep kids from painting each other and cooling the fires that erupt when ohmygod, he splashed water on my painting!!! So, what can I do for you? Glitter? You came here looking for glitter? Well, you may not know this, but I don’t normally carry the stuff, but you happen to be in luck because someone gifted me a box of miscellaneous craft supplies at the beginning of the school year, and there just so happens to be some glitter in there, so sure, you can have it. What’s it for? A class project? Neat, and when do you need it? Oh. You need it right now. Well then, no problem. Let me just turn my back on this group of angelic second graders so I can dig through my Closet of Crap and get that for you. Now where is it…? I know that box is in here somewhere. Funny story, I don’t usually use craft supplies in my room, but… oh! Here it is, under my stash of party supplies. Now I know there’s glitter in here somewhere… maybe under the package of straws… or behind the bag of Popsicle sticks… ooh! Here it is. No, wait, those are just mismatched googly eyes… how about… no, those are seed beads. Um… maybe… oh geez, how did these pompoms get loose? Here we go! Glitter! What? I’m sorry, you’re going to have to speak up. I can’t hear you over the sound of twenty-eight seven year old kids whooping and cheering as they splatter paint the walls and carpet. Excuse me? Oh, yeah, well no, I don’t think carpet in an art room make much sense either… what’s that? That’s not what you said? Ohhh. Yeah, no, now I see. You’re right, this isn’t glitter at all but sequins. Good catch. Well, can’t you just use them instead? Sequins are almost like glitter. No? Well, maybe you can try the Kindergarten classrooms then, they’re practically art rooms down there, and I’m sure they have glitter. Oh yeah, that’s fine, you can take the sequins with you just in case. Just one thing though, when you return them, can you make sure you do it during my adaptive art class? It would be great if you could pop in at the exact moment one of my students is trying to close his head in the flat file drawers, another is attempting to cut ALL THE PAPER, and a third is crying because she doesn’t want to do art today, m’kay?* Thanks, because that would be ever so convenient. Now if you’ll excuse me, I really must be getting back to these second graders. I’m not sure, but I think I just saw a paint tray go out the window.

*I love my adaptive art students, and even on their worst days, I enjoy working with them. My second graders? Not so much.

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In the Art Room

Humor. It’s Not All Sunshine and Roses. Mostly It’s Not.

Here’s the thing about being funny, it ain’t easy. Maybe for some people it is, and I imagine those people live their lives as comedians and humor writers, but I’m just an art teacher, and truth be told, I’m not that funny.

There are no Band-Aids for hurt feelings

My humor comes from a dark place. Not the darkest of places, but a dark place nonetheless. It’s rooted in cynicism, bitterness and skepticism. I use humor to cope with undesirable situations. I use humor to connect with others and say the things that everyone else is afraid to say. We’re all thinking it, but no one would ever actually say these things that I say. These things are bold, they’re brash, a little offensive, often snarky and politically incorrect, but always truthful.

Take, for example, my 20 Things An Elementary Art Teacher Will Never Tell You post. This post is, by far, my most popular, most visited, and most commented on post. This post put me on the map, if you will. Why? Because deep down inside, most of you, dare I say all of you, can relate to this post. At one point or another, you have thought these things, but have never had the balls to say it out loud.

Continue reading →

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In the Art Room

#aoeconference Twitter Moments You Missed

The people over at The Art of Education deserve a huge round of applause. A standing ovation even. I can’t imagine all the work and organization that goes into putting on an event as big as The Art of Education Conference Winter 2014. The presenters were stellar. STELLAR! Technical issues aside, attending this conference was well worth it, and I can’t wait for the next one. Some of you joined us at the cool kids table on Twitter to share your experience. For those of you who didn’t make it, here are some moments you missed. Continue reading →
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In the Art Room

In Which I Tease You

You know what’s great? Art room hacks.

You know what’s even greater? When someone compiles a convenient list of art room hacks. You know, maybe something like, 10 Creative Art Room Hacks?

Well guess what? I did just that.

But here’s the thing. It’s not a blog post. Oh, no siree, Bob! It’s a video presentation. Yup. You read that right, a vid-ee-oh pres-en-ta-tion.

“Oh where, oh where, Ms. ATHG, can I view what I can only assume will be a glorious and informative presentation,” you ask? That’s easy, at the Winter 2014 Art of Education Conference. It’s online folks, online. So you know what that means, right? No need to shower, get dressed, or even brush your teeth. AND it’s on a Saturday this go around (unlike last year’s which, while awesome, was on a Wednesday. I think. Maybe it was a Tuesday). Check out some of the fab presenters: Continue reading →

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