A Day In the Life, Funny, Ha-Ha

Human Biology 101: 1st Grader Edition

A couple of weeks ago I took my first graders outside for art. We were engaged in a drawing scavenger hunt. The students were tasked with drawing any natural things that they could find. The following conversation took place between me, an intellectually advanced first grader, and a, um, not-so intellectually advanced first grader (but an oh-so, gosh-darn cute one):

FG1: “Are humans natural?”
Me: “Well, we’re not man-made, are we?”
FG1 (an intense look of deep thought overtakes his face): Um…..
Me (cutting him off before he could counter that, yes, in fact, one could argue that humans are technically man-made): “Okay, well, it doesn’t require any tools or machines to make us, right?”
FG1: “No.”
Me: “Well, then humans are natural!”
FG2:  “But, tools are used.”
Me: “They are?”
FG2: “Yeah. You need a knife to cut the girl’s stomach open to get the baby out.”

And with that I chose to exit the conversation and walk away. I didn’t really see it as my place to get into the birth of babies with a couple of first graders.
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In the Art Room

Dear Followers,

Dear Followers,
  
       I’d like to take this moment to address a few… housekeeping items, if you don’t mind. First off, welcome to my new followers. I am continuously amazed that I have 8 followers, let alone 800 (hi, Facebook friends!). I really enjoy providing my comrades in arms some humor and a place to feel like someone else gets it. I wish I could post new content more frequently, but, *sigh*, being funny is hard work at times. Especially during years like this one when there are so many changes happening all at once. But enough about that.
   
      Second, a note about Google Reader. You probably already know this, but Google Reader will no longer exist come July 2013. If you use Google Reader to follow this blog, well, sucks to be you. Not really, because you can now switch over to Bloglovin’ and follow ATHG there. There’s a handy dandy little button over there… on the… right… wait a minute…. wait for it… and… there it is. Right over there below my Twitter follow button. What? You didn’t know ATHG was on Twitter? I am. Feel free to follow ATHG, but don’t get too excited, I don’t tweet often.
   
      Speaking of not getting too excited, if you happen to follow ATHG on Pinterest, you may have noticed that I don’t “pin” very often (or ever). There’s a reason for that. I can’t remember my login info. I know, I know, I can reset it and stuff, but with an 18 month at home, who has time? I hope to someday beef up those boards, but in the meantime, don’t hold your breath.
   
        In related news, I currently don’t have access to my email, so if you’ve emailed me in the past, oh, two months. I, uh, didn’t get it. Again, I know I can resolve this issue with about 15-20 minutes of work, but, *sigh*, ugh. If you want to get in touch with ATHG, message me on Facebook.
    
        Hmmm… that is all. I guess I must be doing something right, because you’re all still with me, and more and more of you are joining every week. Thank you for that. Here’s hoping I start stepping things up soon, amiright? 
Sincerely,
Ms. Art Teachers Hate Glitter
        
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A Day In the Life

Give Me 5!

A quick look at the clock shows that you have five minutes until the next class arrives. Five minutes. No worries. You’ve got this. You pop out of your classroom and quickly head to the other end of the school to use the faculty bathroom. Next you skip downstairs, check your mailbox, zip into the storage closet and grab a piece of 22×28″ railroad board. Now it’s back upstairs to your cohorts art room so you can use the paper cutter. Along the way you remind a 6th grade student to grab his clay sculpture from your room later. After slicing and dicing your way through that railroad board, it’s back to your classroom. Another glance at the clock tells you that you still have a couple of minutes before the 1st graders arrive, so you quickly check your email, finish setting up some supplies, and do a quick pick-up of trash. In two lightening fast moves, you pull out your ponytail holder and redo your top knot. Bam! Your five minutes are up. You are all set and ready to begin 1st grade art. 
Of course, they’re five minutes late, and as you see them be-bopping down the hallway, you can’t help but think of all the things you could have accomplished in those five minutes.
What can you get done in five minutes?
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A Day In the Life, Gripes

I Know Why the Art Teacher Cries

… because of paper cuts. And cardboard cuts.
… because she just sat in a puddle of water. Again.
… because it’s only Wednesday, but it has felt like Thursday for two days now.
… because she just stepped in green paint. Again.
… because her clock won’t stop buzzing, no matter how many times she beats it.
… because working in a tiny octagonal room with no windows and 30 sixth graders triggers her claustrophobia.
… because she’s on bus duty and has realized that she left her gloves inside.
… because she’s on her way to her car and has realized that her gloves have been in her pocket all along.
… because a 1st grader corrected her math.
… because a 1st grader corrected her spelling.
… because the Monster Mug she made looks less “monster” and more like something that could be questioned as, um, racist.
… because a 2nd grader mocked her.
… because her last class was a Level Three on the chocolate recovery scale.
… because she forgot to fire the clay pieces her 4th graders were supposed to glaze.
… because of the email from THAT parent.
… because of the other email from that other parent.
… because ________________________________.

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